Just Rambling

I drove to the cemetery today and went for a long walk.



My foot was hurting like hell, but then again, I was skating pretty close to the edge of The Dark Place, and I really needed to walk.

And as I walked the quiet lanes in cool morning air, past all the tombstones, small and large, ornate and plain, old and very new, I kept thinking how every single person I know has an appointment with the undertaker - of course, that's that problem, innit, cause no one knows when that appointment is - and how I will be there, soon enough, myself, and all my petty worries and anxieties and depressions will suddenly not matter, it will all be over.

Look, I'm not trying to be melodramatic, or morbid, but I *am* serious, that's where we all end up, along with all the problems that we have, or that we think we have, and I didn't feel any better, and it didn't keep me from biting my lip, nor keep my eyes from welling up, but it did give me a bit of perspective, I guess.

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The other thing that kept coming to mind was how the 7th was my little sister's birthday, the one who died, and how she'd have been fifty this year, but in my mind she will always be freeze-dried at six and a half, the very same age my daughter is now, and when I look at LK, and think about anything happening to her, I just get full of anxiety and sadness, and I know it's stupid, cause I can't change the past, but I can change the future, but at the same time, the past affects how I even see the future, and walking thru cemeteries has a way of bringing these thoughts to mind.
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Anyway, I'm feeling really out of it today, oh h*ll, who am I kidding, I'm out of it a lot today, but mostly sad cause, well, I'll just post that elsewhere.
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09-09-09

That's the date, and it'll never happen again in my lifetime, like so much else. Meh
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