Current location:	The Dark Place
Current mood:	exhausted
Current music:	Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah

Meh

I'm having a 'meh' day, in the middle of a 'meh' week - okay, it's far more than a simple 'meh' - and there's not much I can to to ameliorate that right now, cause it's all about those things I cannot control.



And it's so strange to think that there was a time when I held out hope that I might someday get to a place in my life when I'd be able to just let go of all that, to stop allowing myself to stress about such things, but that's just it, cause it's exactly those things I can't control that seem to be the ones that stress me the most. And that's the part I don't get, I mean, I know it all intellectually, and I am even able to sit and counsel others in the steps of cognitive therapy, and indeed, I've had occasion to assist more than one person thru their very own Hour Of No-Power by doing exactly that: walking them thru the fallacy of their thinking, showing them other ways of viewing things that might seem on the surface to be very grim, but which in reality aren't always what they appear, and I've watched others come to a place of healing and growth thru all that. But me? Well, not so much. I mean, I am familiar with all the concepts and the lingo, and I even believe it and know it to be true, but when the walls feel like they are closing in, it's as if I'm possessed of a kind of emotional epilepsy - a loss of emotional control - and I don't have a magic pill for that, so there's not much else I can do but to ride out the storm, knowing that it will likely get better, as it has so many times before - and until then...

Like I said, 'meh.'

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