Current location:	Almost There
Current mood:	pissed off
Current music:	David Bowie - Oh You Pretty Things

Lies, D*mn Lies And Static

Okay, something I really dislike - and I dislike it about myself, too - is when people use words in ways that are different than what they appear to really mean.



For example, 'How are you doing?' isn't an interrogative, really, it's a greeting, and almost no one really gives a rat's *ss how you, or I, or anyone else is really doing, it is said reflexively, with no thought at all.

In fact, if someone asks you on the way the loo at work, 'Hey, how are you doing?' the best thing to say back is, 'Hey, how are *you* doing?' with the appropriate hand gesture and a game smile, and then shuffle off to your appointment with the porcelain throne.

See, your inquisitor isn't really interested in the your intestinal problems, or your writer's block, or the fact that your mistress now plays for the other team and has convinced your wife to join, and the two of them in the process of evicting your from the home you paid for with the sweat of your brow.

He wants to say something, because, well, he's required to, it's the office code of ethics that you have to greet each other in the halls, even if you just saw each other ten minutes before at a staff meeting, doesn't matter, you are still obliged to greet your co-workers - and especially your boss - if the two of you should happen to pass within permissible distances of each other.

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Other examples of linguistic tomfoolery are the obligatory yearbook signings:

'Stay Just As You Are, Always' or its cousin, 'Don't Ever Change" - WTH? Who wants that? Stay pimply and broke?

'Let's Be Best Friends Forever!' - Yeah, right. In twenty years I won't remember your name, maybe ten.

'You Always Made Us Smile' - Uh huh, that's because you people were laughing at me for my stupid glasses.

'Kilroy Was Here' - Um, no Kilroy was not.
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Well, there are other euphemistic delights, especially in the Books of Love and Death but those shall remain for another day.+++++</center>

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